Lávese las manos

Here's an awesome one from last night: I have a table order a bowl of seafood chowder, easy enough, it's soup. Well the gentleman proceeds to eat every bit of the soup except his potatoes, so as I'm clearing the bowl he looks at me and tells me it was the worst soup he has ever had here; if it was truly the worst, why did he eat every bit but his potatoes? Well he continues on with "There was no seafood in there, usually I get large pieces of Salmon, Halibut, Trout???, and sometimes shark or swordfish." A little side note, the soup usually contains fresh fish such as Halibut or Tilapia, and the pieces are usually not large chunks, anyways I apologize for that then he looks at me in the eyes and sternly tells me that if I was truly sorry, then I would have checked his soup when it was going out to see if it had plenty of seafood and not "so many damn pieces of potato." All I could do was think, well sir next time I will have to check your soup goes out, perhaps I should run my hand through it and count the number of pieces of fish I find and try to pull out the potatoes for you.

Do you do all your own thinking?

Wow, the stand out one for tonight is just the awesomest (I know not a real word) thing to happen this entire week, and I remind you that I had the table which loved his Last Time Vineyards wine. Alright so to start this off I get a new table of 7 persons who have never dined with us before, unfortunately I am not able to greet them so a fellow server does their magic with them. Find out they aren't going to be an easy table, wow, saw that one coming my way! Finally I get around to taking the tables entire order, which was in fact quite easy. So as time goes by, their food is ready and it is delivered, well as one of our policies is to deliver food to women first, so I start to set down the mothers pasta dish when she looks at me and ask "is there any other sauce in this?" I'm really confused because I'm not quite sure of her question, so I reply "Excuse me?" and this is where fun became awesome, she looks at me and asks "This is just the cream sauce right, no other sauce in here like clam juice?" Weeeeeelllllll for starters clam juice is a liquid not a sauce, so I reply "No there should only be the cream sauce, why would you like a different sauce?" Wait for it.... she replies with "No, I'm allergic to shell fish and I could possibly die if I eat anything that has touched shell fish or contains shell fish." OK, this maybe something I would have wanted to know ahead of time, not when I'm setting the dish you ordered down in front of you for consumption!! I mean come on people, that's like shitting and then making sure you took your pants down!

Thankfully they were pretty good beyond that point, my own quarrel was with the mother and no one else here at this table, in fact the son paid the entire bill and tipped quite decently. So they were a bad table, just a dim bulb in a chandelier.

Special! We don't need to stinkin specials!

Ok here is my favorite one from tonight at work; "Do you guys have any specials tonight?" Me in response: "Well we currently have out OC Register Restaurant Week Special running right now, which is this little menu here, along with our regional specials which happen to be our Wild Coho Salmon and our Maryland Soft Shell Crab." Next question from the guest: "So then which of these are your specials?" Really did you stroke out while I was just talking! Maybe next time I ask a question I will be like you and just turn off and then ask the same question again; last time I checked I spoke with words, not white noise, so I know words came out of my mouth! Ah and another favorite of mine tonight: "You know all those Oriental people who speak Asian?" WOW! Did you just get all racist on me, look I know you are 70 and hate paying $6 for that pack of cigarettes that you just love to blow in my face so much, but did you really just call persons of Asian decent Oriental, and if I also stand uncorrected I believe you just said they speak Asian, and what language would that happen to be, the native language of Asianland???? Don't you go and give me a fucking lecture on how you had it so hard growing up, yet all these people you see at the DMV who don't speak a lick of English are getting licenses and it makes you angry because you took your test 500 years ago when Jesus was you driving instructor.

Ok that should do it for tonight, more probably tomorrow.

Inagural Blog

So tonight I greet my table and suggest getting started with a few drinks, sure the first person is easy, a margarita, now here's where it gets fun, her husband tells me he would like a glass of the wine he had last time. Really! That's it, OK fine I will be serving you a glass of wine from the Last Time Vineyard, a fine vintage year of You sh@!head. Needless this continued until his wife insisted that I had no idea what wine he had last time and that he needed to select an actual wine. As you can see this is where it will continue from here for my future entries, and yes I will usually have one for each day I work.