Back logged!!!

Looking at all the stories I still have to edit and publish is making me dread the next couple of days. Sorry for all the slow postings, it's been a hell of a month already and we are coming to the final countdown for our wedding so lots of things going on there too. A preview of the stories include, the story about not paying your bill and trying to pay the next day, or how just because we don't carry a certain alcoholic beverage we are lame, oh and my favorite, since I won't pour a double martini I'm not a good bartender (my favorite one there!) Ok so there I've got a few more going up very soon!

JOE

I guess I am just a little to hard skinned

"Look, we are people who like to complain just to make it fun, you shouldn't be so hard skinned and learn to just take it in stride." Sure I'll learn to just take your witty way of complaining about everything, including how we bought your dessert because we were told the wrong fruit was in it, yet you still ate it like a pig and complained the whole time that we mislead you, sure you got it! Making up complaints isn't so much for the person on the receiving end, especially when A. I don't know you or what type of personality you have and B. I'm not in the position to make it fun except in the awkward way that I have to apologize for everything and make it seem like I'm kissing your ass! Look if you like being a royal douche, then go somewhere else, perhaps one of those trendy places where the serving staff are complete dicks to you and every other guests because that is what they do. No where in the service industry is it cool to just walk into anywhere and just start to make complaints because it's fun! Look, take my uniform and I'll play the part of you, oh wait let me put my douche bag clothes on... ok, now you be me, and now I'm gonna start to complain about everything, and remember, you have to kiss my ass to make me feel better. What? Not so much fun anymore? Feel like you want to punch me now? Now you understand what it's like to be me, yet when I go home I don't feel good about myself because I don't take your crap home with me, yet you will be you and you're stuck with that.

I need $20 on pump 5!

"Do you have a cheese sauce for this?" No I don't have a damn cheese sauce! Where the hell are we AM/PM, does it look like we have hot dogs rotating in a containment unit reserved for crap? No? Well then I don't think we are able to provide you with a cheese sauce, or nachos, or hell even a snickers bar! When did it say anywhere on the menu that we had a cheese sauce? GOD, we are a fish house, you know seafood, comes from the ocean! Do you really think cheese sauce is gonna go on your fish? COME ON! Look, please don't go into any restaurant and ask for a sauce that isn't anywhere on the menu, it's like asking if we have BBQ and when I reply no, you tell me how it could be made with other things, how about this, just be happy with no and stop asking for crap that we obviously don't have! Oh and asking for gravy on your mashed potatoes is pretty much the same thing, if they didn't come with it to start with, odds are I'm not hiding it in the back waiting for you to ask me, why would we prep something that doesn't normally go out, just in case someone decides to ask for it, kinda like running the hot water in the shower with the hope that maybe sometime today I'm going to take another shower! If any of this sounds like I'm talking crazy talk, then I suggest you close your web browser and take your head and slam it into the wall near you, open this blog back up and read again, repeat until it actually sounds like I'm not crazy!

The Sausage King of Chicago!

"Oh we are the Tom party of 4." "Ok, right this way." Minutes pass by "Hi, we are the Tom party of 4." Oh really, great now we have two people claiming to be the same reservation! Oh what? The first people we sat say they are only going to be a party of 2 now! How convenient! Look, when you walk into a restaurant where it is obviously packed because of a nearby event and the host or hostess tells you that it will be a 60-70 minute wait because they are booked for the whole 2 hour block because people actually thought to call ahead, don't just try to steal someone else's reservation! Suck it up and realize that you were an idiot and should have thought ahead! Even worse if you aren't going to the event and decided to fake your way in! Next time you decide to come in just say "Dick heads party of 2." Then maybe I'll be a little more understanding that you have no concept of how restaurants work on a busy night and when we tell you there are no open tables because of reservations, pointing out to me that there appear to be empty tables means nothing to me when about 25 reservations are due in the restaurant within the next 15-20 minutes because if I give you a table, you explain to them that since they decided to call ahead and get a spot way ahead of your dumbass walking in the we can no longer accommodate them because you pointed out that there appeared to be open tables!

JENGA!

Why is it that some tables feel the need to hand you more plates or even go so far as to try to stack more plates onto the ones you are already carrying, I'm not a damn act in the circus, STOP IT! I have a table where I'm clearing plates and an oyster tray from (they are quite big) and this jack ass feels the need to see how many more plates he can stack on top of everything I'm holding; hey buddy, I still have to walk with these in my arms please stop! Or even better the table next to them felt the need to hand things to me when my hands are full, hey hold on my extra arm hidden under this shirt of mine will be glad to take that off your hands, as both my other hands are full of menus and a tray of drinks, sure why not, that's why I work in this environment, it's for the extra hand! Please if you ever feel the urge to hand over some plates, set them down and don't try to stack them in my arms, or if you've never served, just don't even try to stack them on the table because this ain't Jenga! Oh but i'm sure they will be the first to applaud me if I happen to drop just about everything and make a scene, I know you are, don't deny it! Look I know how to do my job, don't come in and try to assist me, because 9 times out of 10 you've never worked in a restaurant environment and have no idea how to handle or stack plates, these things are not Segways, they will fall over and unlike the paper plates you put your food on, these are ceramic and they will break and hurt a bit!

Does it really matter what I say?

Ok this one takes the cake tonight. Now remember I work in Orange County, CA. and from time to time we run into the guest who believes he or she is on the show The Real Housewives of Orange County, and feels the need to be a dumb housewife. So as I go to greet a table and offer to get drinks for everyone I come to the "housewife" and her response to me is to paint at me as if I'm supposed to say something on queue and then stare at me as if bees were coming out of my ears! She then proceeds to tell me to just say any drink, so of course I start with martinis and she tells me she's not in the mood for martinis but wants a girly drink. WTF! Really, why ask me for drinks if the ones I suggest don't fit into this magical category which you seem to have designed and set stipulations on? So without any avail, I fail to suggest an adequate beverage, which then she tells me I'm of no help! Well if I'm of no help, have a good time getting your own damn drinks! Hell I'm not you husband who you seem to be able to boss around, and no, for the last time, I can't read your damn mind! Is it really that hard to order a drink, heck if you don't like it, just order something else, or perhaps, if you need more time, ask me to return with the other drinks and by then you should think of your drink! Now, stop bugging me, I have to think of food here on the menu you might want to eat, because I know where this slippery slope goes!

It's a bird, it's a plane, it's not on the damn menu!

I have to say, one thing that really upsets me is when a guest tries to order something that is not on the menu that day, is out of season, or is just plain never on the menu. They always have that smug look of "oh I already know what I'm getting and haven't even looked at the menu." You know the guy, he is sitting back all relaxed looking like a douche, then it comes time for him to order and he firmly says "I'll have the sea bass." Now at this point you realize he just ordered something he has probably never even ordered here before, yet has the need to feel like he's so awesome that it is on every seafood menu in the world! When you do tell him that we don't have sea bass because of the ethics behind it, he gets all angry because now he has to read the menu like a normal person and figure something out, and all this is of course the servers fault because we should have known he was coming in and at least gotten 1 piece of sea bass for this lucky douche. Hell I frequent many restaurants, yet I still read the menu to make sure that the item I usually order or am in the mood for is still on the menu, and if it isn't, I'm not going to revert to my childhood self and throw a tantrum. This even goes so far as to be too similar to the person who believes something is on the menu when it never was and never will be.

Identity fraud

"Hey, aren't you our server?" Well no, in fact the guy you have as your server has short hair and he's missing a beard! Why do people find it so easy to forget who their server is, is it because they never made eye contact and only remember a voice, or perhaps it's because you were so busy on the cell phone talking about how so guy at a bar hit on you, that you forgot who was your server, oh I know, you were so busy looking at the sports highlights on the TV that you seemed to think I said hey what do you want to drink instead of "Hi, my name is Joe." I do realize that sometimes, a couple of servers may look similar, but when one has a beard and long hair, and your server has short hair and no facial hair at all, how do you confuse them? Oh, and yelling hey at me doesn't really work, except to piss me off and make me think you are a total douche! When I do come to your table and greet you, at least answer my question of how you are doing with a real answer and not "Iced tea!" or "Don't we get bread?" Yes, all that in due time, but I believe the real answer is "Fine thanks, how about you?" And take the time to know my name, people who know me don't call me, hey you, hey, buddy, bro, sir nor do they call me hey server, and with the buddy thing, no I am not your buddy!

All dogs go to heaven... or hell... or no where?

Here is the weird question of the night posed to me by one of my tables, "Would you bury a dog in your backyard?" Well, it depends, what happened and how much are you going to pay me, no really it was a discussion that was leading to the explanation that she was planning on burying her dog of 10 years in her backyard after he had just passed. Well it wasn't so much of a burial as it was also going to be a full ceremony with a headstone or plaque and all! Yes, she really asked me that, but why?!? I'm here to serve you your food and make sure everything runs smoothly, I'm not here to listen to your story or weigh in with my opinion on whether you should bury your dog in your yard! Not to mention, because it's really bugging me, this lady needed to learn to put lipstick on the correct way, and not in the way a clown puts in on to make huge lip outlines, oh and the choice of bright pink was... horrific, unless you are indeed a clown, which at that point, I apologize. When I give you my opinion; no I would not bury my dog in my yard; why do you find the need to prove me wrong, because I just checked what I typed above, and you asked me if I would, not what I thought, yep, just double checked it and that's what you asked. Hey lets make this more of a pity parade and discuss those who are no longer in our lives and whether or not we should bury them in our yard, yay! Why is it people have to have diarrhea of the mouth and just ask the weirdest of questions? Oh and your son who appeared to be about 25, but acted like he was 18 was a total winner when he made smart ass remarks to me the whole time, like I was the peanut gallery and it was his job to make me laugh, oh, your tip just called to and said it wasn't enough to put up with your crazy question.

Fresh, Frozen .... or Aquarium???

"Are you're clams from an aquarium?" Why yes, my cousin actually holds on to them for us until we are ready to prepare them for you! What kind of question is that, yes, I do realize that most seafood restaurants keep crabs and lobsters in tanks, but really, clams? We also keep all of our fish swimming around in the toilet, so don't flush or you have to pay for what we lost. This is not the Aquarium of the Pacific, yet some days, with questions like these, it makes me wonder. I wonder if her next awesome question was "Do you name your fish before they are put on the grill?" If you aren't sure how clams, or for even that matter, oysters are raised and harvested, you should look it up on the internet, hell you can use wikipedia! Has this lady ever been to a seafood restaurant before, and if this wasn't here first time, does she normally eat at some sort of sea exhibit? Look my cousin Jimmy is quite upset that you have requested to dine on his pet clams and now I must console him in this, his darkest hour, thank you lady for ruining his and my day with that request, now I must buy him replacements... dumbass!

Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto

This one is from the mind of Jill, thanks for the help. So why is it that when we get tables that are groups of Japanese men, we find the need to bow? I understand it is customary to bow in a greeting or departure or even as a thank you, but since when did I become an Asian man? Is there something in the air around their table that makes me do it? Hell, I don't bow to anyone else, yet here I am picking up that empty pint glass off the table and the man decides to hand it to me, so as I grab it, I bow! Now what do they think? Do they think I'm a jackass or do they think I'm doing it to be nice, did they even notice I did it? Quite similarly, what about when I get a table with an accent, and now I speak to them with an accent, really, what happened, did I get a case of stupid for just this table?

I believe you are gravely mistaken

"We got that here last time." Words I hate to hear out of a guest's mouth. I had a few guests at my bar top who told me that they ordered a dessert here last time that we have never had, the dessert was a banana fosters cheesecake with a vanilla cream sauce on the plate. No sorry we've never had that, yet this still becomes an argument; "Yes you do, or at least you did, we were hear about a month ago and got it here." Me:"Sorry as long as I have been here we haven't had it." Them:"How long have you worked here, because we got it here." Me:"Well, I've been here for about 3 years now, and are you sure it was this location, or was it at another one of our restaurants?" This is where it always goes, "We only come to this location, we live in Anaheim Hills, so we would never go to another one because they are so far from us." Me:"Well I'm sorry, we don't have that dessert." Them:"I know you at least had, maybe it was something they had on a day you were off." Me:"Maybe that's what happened." Yeah, that's what happened, I was off for one day and they introduced a new dessert with out any notice, hell they even printed up a special "Hey Joe is Off" dessert menu and it was on there. I realize that most guests don't know our menu as well as us, and yes, mistakes happen and people forget where they got something, but why do you find the need to argue? Does it help to argue with me? Oh yeah, forgot, I'm hiding the dessert because I don't want you to have any, hahaha, plan is in full effect! It's like the person who doesn't understand English, no matter how much you raise your voice, they aren't going to understand you, same goes for something we don't have. Oh and when did the length of my career here become an issue? Do I look new, hell I explained our whole menu to you, but yet I don't seem to know what is on the dessert menu? Wow. I'm sure it was on there next to the never ending pasta bowl we don't have either.

You created your own monster

I have to say it is really cool to have people tell you that they loved having you serve them and they look forward to seeing you next time when they request you. Hell, it lets you know that you did a good job, but what about the times you did a good job and didn't mean to? In other words, what about that table that just sucks, they are needy, don't tip well, are annoying and don't understand that you have other tables, and you do such a good job in their eyes that they want to request you the next time. Now you just blew it, you took what was the perfect opportunity to fuck things up and this time you just had to do it right and now they look forward to seeing you. It happens, I can't even count how many "regulars" that come to the restaurant who request certain people, yet the minute we all see them walk through the door, we utter under are breath "Oh shit!" There is no way out, hell, it's like being in a gang, the only way out is to die! You realize that your night just went from utter crap to oh god my life is hell! Yeah, sure they may be nice people, or they have a sad story, but you know they don't tip well, and the like to run the bill up. Is there a way out, can I come to work in disguise, would they believe me if I switch name tags and said I'm my own brother who looks just like me, but look I have a different name, or would hiding in the back, hoping they don't ask for me this time work? Nope! Oh well, I guess there will always be those people, but really what did I do that was so special, last time I checked I was rude and forgot about you.

Thank you

To those of you who are following this blog and to those who have told me that my blog has made them laugh, I want to say thank you! This was never intended to make people laugh so much, it started as a way for me to write about my work and how some people just don't know how to dine out, but it has evolved beyond that and I am really happy to hear people are laughing at this! Again, THANK YOU!!!!

Hey this was the best blog ever, now use that to pay your rent

"Hey, thanks for the service, it's the best we've ever had!" Oh by the way, here's a nice 5% tip, but I figure with the verbal tip, I've got my rent covered for the next 7 months. Yay me! No, but really, what is up with verbal tipping, I can't use that for anything, usually I get to pay for the verbal tip that you left me to make up for your cheap ass not tipping the proper amount, even though it was "the best service ever." I really wish I could take them to my landlord and use it towards rent, hell I would probably put it into my 401k also, but really there is nothing I can do with it, and if it was in fact the best service you ever had, which I really doubt, then prove it with a tip, I'm not saying give me a huge tip or something unheard of, just show that I was worth the 18% I aim for. I work in an industry where I make my money off of people leaving me money, I still get minimum wage, but I work 20 hours a week, now do the math, hell most teenagers who work at malls who have wages higher than minimum make more than I do excluding tips! Verbal tipping doesn't help, I can't go to the auto mechanic and tell him I love what he did with my brakes, because no one ever made them stop my car like that before, and expect to get part of the payment knocked off because he got a verbal tip. Sure, some of you who don't work in the food industry are probably saying what the hell requires me to tip you, it shouldn't be expected, yes, you are right, but it's become so common place that the government requires servers to claim a minimum even if they didn't make it! On top of that you have to realize that by law I am required to tip out other members of the staff, so I actually lose part of the money I make to other people, so that 5% tip I got, practically all but about $1 went to someone else! Oh by the way, I'm not bitter.

Dave's not here man

I'm off til this weekend, sorry, but it'll have to be this weekend for a new one, oh btw Angels games are coming up, so I guess I'll have a few funny ones!

Shirt and Shoes ARE required!

When I hear "Oh I could just stay here forever I'm so full and relaxed." My first instinct is to look at their feet, not because I have a weird fetish and feel the need to, no, I am looking to see if said person still has their shoes on. Yes, you read that right, shoes still on. There appears to be a gap in people's brains where when they are full and comfortable, it becomes appropriate to slip off shoes and perhaps put them up on the booth or another unoccupied chair. Really people, this is appropriate, have you never been out to a restaurant before, did you lose your manners on the way in or did I clear them from the table with that empty plate I just took? You do realize that it's just disgusting to those around you who may still be eating, "Oh look honey I see her feet and I have a sudden urge to order the corn." Were you hoping that by putting your feet up with the shoes off that I was going to get over there and rub your feet for you, because I sure as hell wasn't! I might come over and slap some sense into you, but then I might get a write up and maybe I'm on my last one, so tonight is your lucky night! Really people, get the idea, there is some etiquette still out there, and when you are paying upwards of $25 a plate, have some decency!

You don't have to go home, you just can't stay here

Why is it that people find it OK to stay in a restaurant well after the time they have closed? I've had this happen a couple times now in the past week and I don't mean just a half an hour, I mean well into the time where we have been closed for almost 2 hours! I understand we are open til said time and that you can come in anytime before then and get a table and still get food, but your first hint should be when I tell you that the kitchen will be closing in x amount of minutes and I need to get your order in. Why do you feel the need to express that your food came out quick, of course it did, you are the only ones eating still! Now we have been closed for some time and you are taking your time eating? Did you not notice the guy stacking all the chairs? Oh what's that you want to look at a dessert menu? Did you not listen when I said kitchen closing soon about 45 minutes ago? Oh you just want to sit and talk for a bit, sure, but don't do it here! Look I understand people like to enjoy their dinners and drinks, but realize that many of us have already worked a long night and just want to go home so we can enjoy our time too. I love when I heard this sentence uttered by both my tables both nights "Oh I think we should leave soon, or we are going to be the only people left in here." No don't worry, you guys ARE the only people left in here! It's not like I can hang out in Best Buy after they have closed just because I came in just before they closed, no, they are going to tell me to bring my selections to the front for purchase because they are closed. So why is that people feel the need to utter "Well I guess we better let him go home." or "Looks like they are waiting on us." Oh, and just because you gave me your credit card to pay, doesn't mean I don't still have to wait for you to sign it so I can enter the tip in my sales so I can get my money, yeah I need that thing back before I can finish up and go home, so putting it down and sitting to talk more does not make me like you anymore than I already didn't. Jesus! Go to a late night coffee shop to sit and talk, hell they are lots of fun and you can still get drinks made while you are there, oh and they have free wi-fi so when your date goes south at least she can look busy on the internet on her iPhone!

Hurry Look Busy Jesus is Coming

Ah this one here is my favorite, leaving religious pamphlets for your server after you leave. It's not a tip in the sense that I can turn around and pay my rent with it, yet it's a tip that says "Hey look you obviously ignorant fuck, you need religion in your life and by me giving you this pamphlet about the good god can do for you, I just gave you the best tip you could possibly get!" NOPE! No you didn't because now, me being the eco-conscious person I am, will now take this damn pamphlet home and place it in my recycle bin, where I will have to stare at it for about a week before I take all the recycles out to the bin, and no I don't have a lid for the recycles because instead of money you left me this pamphlet and now I don't have enough money to get the lid, just the bin! Hell I don't come to your church and leave my restaurants menu in the donations do I, well OK once, but I wash really hung over and forgot where I was.. j/k, if I left my menu sure as fuck the next person who saw I did that would smack me upside my head and force me then leave money. It's not a tip, and I'm never gonna call the number, nor will I be pondering it and decide "Hell I can't believe they left this, I now want to be a better person." You just told me I'm better because I tip 20% without a pamphlet! Oh and don't ever ask your server if they believe in god or go to church, because I'm gonna lie and quickly change the subject or just walk away because I think I just heard my tip curl up inside a shell and die!

Looking to expand

So I've been thinking about expanding this blog and adding a few guest bloggers here, so if you have a blogger account or wanna set one up, then I am looking for a few people to help out here and add more interesting stories! Send a message my way and I'll set it up!

Joe

Bivalves are confusing

Ah good old people who have no idea how to order or let alone answer a question with new words and not just repeat the same damn question I just didn't understand! So I have a table with a fairly large retirement party, so after we let them give 15 different speeches for the last, oh maybe hour and a half, they decided that maybe they should order food, because now they are ready, because apparently you come to a restaurant to waste time and then when you've been at the table long enough, now you tell your servers that you are ready and perhaps we should take your order. Well the orders are quite easy, most people just repeating the same order as the previous person, then I get to the "genius," remember it's in parentheses so it's probably just a title I gave him, he orders his fish, but then wants to add an order of oysters as follows, "I would also like to get a half order of oysters." Well they aren't in a particular order, just priced per half dozen, so I ask "How many do you want to get exactly, a half dozen order or a half order of the half dozen price?" Followed with the answer "I just want to get a half order." Really, so did you not hear my question, because you aren't making it any clearer by repeating it! So I explain how the oysters are ordered in different quantities and I just want to know exactly how many he wants, his reply "Well I want a sample." Me, "So would you like a half dozen, nine or dozen sampler?" "I just want a sample of some of your oysters." "Well I would suggest a half dozen sampler because you will get one of each of the oysters with the star, which just leaves out one oyster." Finally this is the answer I get, "You know I really don't even want oysters." WTF! Seriously! You aren't making any sense, nor are you answering my question and now you are just giving up and thinking I'm the dick! Thanks! Oh, then he later goes to the bar and has the same trouble ordering oysters there, but somehow still comes out with oysters, thanks douche, I'll remember that when I'm licking the rim of you beer glass (not really).

Really?!? That's what's bothering you?

Ok so this one is a bit behind, but here goes; So it's a fairly busy Friday night at work, busier than expected, with people running around not being able to fully take care of their tables, everyone's stressed and things are running behind. Well a fellow employee and I are on break in the back eating our dinners when a fellow server comes to the back complaining about how everything is messed up and she's so worried. Ok fine things are in fact messed up, but no need to worry, however she needs to talk about it... this is the fun part, out of everything going on that night her biggest worry was about whether a certain surprise wedding was actually going to happen or if it was going to be a complete mess which would result in the embarrassment of one in the wedding event because every one knew what the surprise was before she did! Really that's something you really wanna worry and stress about for the next 5 days, whether or not a wedding happened and if it didn't how embarrassed the person is going to be! Not about the long ticket times for food, the extremely long wait for a table for the fact that the restaurant is crashing down around everyone? Wow! I mean WOW!

Lávese las manos

Here's an awesome one from last night: I have a table order a bowl of seafood chowder, easy enough, it's soup. Well the gentleman proceeds to eat every bit of the soup except his potatoes, so as I'm clearing the bowl he looks at me and tells me it was the worst soup he has ever had here; if it was truly the worst, why did he eat every bit but his potatoes? Well he continues on with "There was no seafood in there, usually I get large pieces of Salmon, Halibut, Trout???, and sometimes shark or swordfish." A little side note, the soup usually contains fresh fish such as Halibut or Tilapia, and the pieces are usually not large chunks, anyways I apologize for that then he looks at me in the eyes and sternly tells me that if I was truly sorry, then I would have checked his soup when it was going out to see if it had plenty of seafood and not "so many damn pieces of potato." All I could do was think, well sir next time I will have to check your soup goes out, perhaps I should run my hand through it and count the number of pieces of fish I find and try to pull out the potatoes for you.

Do you do all your own thinking?

Wow, the stand out one for tonight is just the awesomest (I know not a real word) thing to happen this entire week, and I remind you that I had the table which loved his Last Time Vineyards wine. Alright so to start this off I get a new table of 7 persons who have never dined with us before, unfortunately I am not able to greet them so a fellow server does their magic with them. Find out they aren't going to be an easy table, wow, saw that one coming my way! Finally I get around to taking the tables entire order, which was in fact quite easy. So as time goes by, their food is ready and it is delivered, well as one of our policies is to deliver food to women first, so I start to set down the mothers pasta dish when she looks at me and ask "is there any other sauce in this?" I'm really confused because I'm not quite sure of her question, so I reply "Excuse me?" and this is where fun became awesome, she looks at me and asks "This is just the cream sauce right, no other sauce in here like clam juice?" Weeeeeelllllll for starters clam juice is a liquid not a sauce, so I reply "No there should only be the cream sauce, why would you like a different sauce?" Wait for it.... she replies with "No, I'm allergic to shell fish and I could possibly die if I eat anything that has touched shell fish or contains shell fish." OK, this maybe something I would have wanted to know ahead of time, not when I'm setting the dish you ordered down in front of you for consumption!! I mean come on people, that's like shitting and then making sure you took your pants down!

Thankfully they were pretty good beyond that point, my own quarrel was with the mother and no one else here at this table, in fact the son paid the entire bill and tipped quite decently. So they were a bad table, just a dim bulb in a chandelier.

Special! We don't need to stinkin specials!

Ok here is my favorite one from tonight at work; "Do you guys have any specials tonight?" Me in response: "Well we currently have out OC Register Restaurant Week Special running right now, which is this little menu here, along with our regional specials which happen to be our Wild Coho Salmon and our Maryland Soft Shell Crab." Next question from the guest: "So then which of these are your specials?" Really did you stroke out while I was just talking! Maybe next time I ask a question I will be like you and just turn off and then ask the same question again; last time I checked I spoke with words, not white noise, so I know words came out of my mouth! Ah and another favorite of mine tonight: "You know all those Oriental people who speak Asian?" WOW! Did you just get all racist on me, look I know you are 70 and hate paying $6 for that pack of cigarettes that you just love to blow in my face so much, but did you really just call persons of Asian decent Oriental, and if I also stand uncorrected I believe you just said they speak Asian, and what language would that happen to be, the native language of Asianland???? Don't you go and give me a fucking lecture on how you had it so hard growing up, yet all these people you see at the DMV who don't speak a lick of English are getting licenses and it makes you angry because you took your test 500 years ago when Jesus was you driving instructor.

Ok that should do it for tonight, more probably tomorrow.

Inagural Blog

So tonight I greet my table and suggest getting started with a few drinks, sure the first person is easy, a margarita, now here's where it gets fun, her husband tells me he would like a glass of the wine he had last time. Really! That's it, OK fine I will be serving you a glass of wine from the Last Time Vineyard, a fine vintage year of You sh@!head. Needless this continued until his wife insisted that I had no idea what wine he had last time and that he needed to select an actual wine. As you can see this is where it will continue from here for my future entries, and yes I will usually have one for each day I work.