Hurry Look Busy Jesus is Coming

Ah this one here is my favorite, leaving religious pamphlets for your server after you leave. It's not a tip in the sense that I can turn around and pay my rent with it, yet it's a tip that says "Hey look you obviously ignorant fuck, you need religion in your life and by me giving you this pamphlet about the good god can do for you, I just gave you the best tip you could possibly get!" NOPE! No you didn't because now, me being the eco-conscious person I am, will now take this damn pamphlet home and place it in my recycle bin, where I will have to stare at it for about a week before I take all the recycles out to the bin, and no I don't have a lid for the recycles because instead of money you left me this pamphlet and now I don't have enough money to get the lid, just the bin! Hell I don't come to your church and leave my restaurants menu in the donations do I, well OK once, but I wash really hung over and forgot where I was.. j/k, if I left my menu sure as fuck the next person who saw I did that would smack me upside my head and force me then leave money. It's not a tip, and I'm never gonna call the number, nor will I be pondering it and decide "Hell I can't believe they left this, I now want to be a better person." You just told me I'm better because I tip 20% without a pamphlet! Oh and don't ever ask your server if they believe in god or go to church, because I'm gonna lie and quickly change the subject or just walk away because I think I just heard my tip curl up inside a shell and die!