Wow, and I thought you were cheap!

"Yeah, you would figure that with all 6 of her kids getting really nice presents, she would have spread it around more, but all the non family members got cheap stocking stuffer crap." Ma'am I believe that you didn't realize what you just said so I will have to break it down. You see, she has 6 kids, all of whom I'm guessing were birthed by her and make up her nuclear family, and you, who is not a family member, so there is no blood relation or birth needed for that, truly deserve your cheap gifts, especially if you are sitting here at the bar complaining to your pompous ass friends about all the other crappy gifts people gave you. Fuck, be happy people gave you gifts, perhaps things aren't so good, not everyone can sit there with a crap load of jewelery and expensive clothes on, times are tough! Oh I know you are surely going to go home and complain about those crappy ass picture frames your friend just gave you, oh wait was that a gift card I just saw you give her? Wow, talk about cheap, you couldn't even think of a gift to get her, nice work, bet that took a lot of effort to think of a gift card. Oh by the way, if you are going to sit at my bar for the duration of your gift exchange, then order food, only to move to a table as your food comes out, it would have been awesome of you to actually tip me, fine you tipped the server who removed your plates and dropped your check, but what about me? Oh thanks cheap ass!